THE STEALING OF THE SUPERHERO STAND UPS

TALES FROM THE TOY CHEST

Stories of Childhood Triumph and Tragedy

By

John "THE MEGO STRETCH HULK" Cimino

CASE NUMBER: 68891-Q

THE STEALING OF THE SUPERHERO STAND UPS!

Age: 8 years

Date: 1981

Place: MacArthur Elementary School 2nd grade

Location: Waltham, Massachusetts

Okay, I'll admit it, I wasn't the most “normal” kid when I was a wee young lad. I was wild, free, imaginative and a total spaz (kinda like I still am today). But when I was younger I had a lot less control of myself and my desire for anything Superheroes was always in full effect. I'm not kidding, I wanted to literally be The Hulk 24-7. I occasionally wanted to be Thor, Sub-Mariner, Daredevil or Spider-man but it was the Hulk that was at the top of my “who I had to be” list. I would cut up my “Toughskin jeans” and run around the neighborhood shirtless and barefoot and play the Hulk all day long (even during cold weather). When the kids on my street (mostly girls) played “school” or “store”, I would of course be the Hulk and try to fit into their scenarios but eventually Hulk had to SMASH! When I was in kindergarten I can remember the teacher, Mrs. O'Reilly yelling at me saying “John could you be human just for once!” so she could have some peace from my constant Hulk role-playing. I would even go to my friend Frankie's house and we would swim in his huge underground pool and play our made up game called “Underwater Armageddon” and have a "Hulk vs Sub-Mariner" slugfest! In this game we would jump into the bottom of the deep end of the pool, hold our breath as long as we could and fight it out! First one to go back up for air was the loser. I usually won, especially when I was the Hulk because my ego was always involved! My Hulk obsession got so bad that the kids near my house didn't want to play with me all the time. So I would just run around my neighborhood all day with my proud cut up kiddie jeans and scream at the top of my lungs with all the gamma-spawned power that fueled my scrawny body. Sure this may seem a little extreme to some but no one could argue about all the fun that I had.

The game I played with Frankie called "Underwater Armageddon" was based off this Hulk portfolio image by Steve Fastner and Bill Larsen from 1980. We couldn't help but try to act it out in the deep end of his pool.

Being in school was no different. I daydreamed all day long of superhero battles rather than coming back into reality and learning about addition and subtraction. At this time in my life I walked into my second grade classroom on a Monday morning and I happened to see Robin, Joker, Catwoman and Penguin stand ups stuck to the top of the chalk board. I remembered I played the hell out of these stand ups until they were destroyed about a year ago, but to see them in school, and all brand new...I was startled! So, I asked the teacher what those were for and she said we will be selling our school calenders for the week and each student that sells ten of them will get to choose from one of these stand ups as a prize. There was no Batman stand up in sight so I turned my attention to the Robin one and of course, I wanted him badly! I had only a week to sell ten calenders, but I also had to beat out all the other boys in my class because I knew the Robin stand up was the most desirable (I didn't really mind the girls because I knew they would want the Catwoman).

These are all the Batman Stand Ups that was available in this set. Unfortunately the Batman one was missing so I turned my attention to the Robin and total chaos would soon follow.

Once I got home I started harassing my parents and neighbors into buying these calenders. With them being five bucks each, they were no bargain. I could only manage to sell three that day!! ARRGGHH! On Wednesday a kid named Dennis was the first to make the quota and I was terrified that he was going to pick the Robin so I cunningly talked/manipulated him into taking the Joker (man, I'm good). So thankfully, the Robin was still up for grabs. I tried to sell off more calenders when I got home, but after three days I only managed to sell a meager five of them. On Thursday a girl named Kristin made the quota and as predicted she picked the Catwoman. I now had only one day to sell five more calenders so I could get that blasted Robin stand up. I ran home at the end of school and went back into selling mode. I traveled a lot further than I was allowed to, in the end I managed to sell exactly five more calenders to get the ten total!! YAAHHOOO!! Tomorrow Robin was going to be all mine!!

When I entered school the next morning I found out another kid named Timmy managed to also sell ten calenders. I was shocked!! I tried to convince him to pick the Penguin, but he was undecided so I knew we both may be going into a battle over the Robin. I couldn't take the chance so I took the initiative and went straight up to the teacher before class started and I asked her if I could have the Robin because I sold the calenders. She said I would have to wait until class started so she could announce to them that Timmy and I both had each sold the ten calenders. As “bad” luck would have it, after the announcement she called on Timmy to pick what stand up he wanted first and of course the bastard picked Robin!! I was furious about it and even more furious that I got the lame-ass Penguin!! Who the hell cares about the Penguin?? Certainly not me!! I wish I never talked Dennis into taking the Joker a few days earlier because he would've been a great second choice...UGGHH!!! The events that followed are kind of a blur because when the the teacher awarded me the Penguin stand up I had a case of potty mouth. And before I knew it she took back the Penguin stand up and sent me to the principles office. Man, I'm such an idiot!

Waiting for the principle, Mr. Cronin was scary. As a kid, during those days, getting into trouble was a big deal. It was almost like waiting for your execution. He was busy in his office dealing with some other unruly kids and I could hear him yelling at them (I remember they were twins and one of them was actually named Thor! I thought that was the coolest thing ever). Jeez, this is going to suck. When he came out he told me to wait in his office and he would return shortly. As I sat there I just stared at his desk and thought of how many kids might have died in here. Then at that moment, I looked down and saw a box filled with a bunch of packages of superhero stand ups. And to my amazement they were packages of Marvel Superhero Stand Ups!! HOLY MOLEY!!! Packages of grandeur filled with Captain America, Spider-man, Thor, Iron man and ...gulp...THE HULK!!! I've never seen so many packages of these in my life! It was almost too much for my young mind to comprehend. Why were they here and more importantly how was I going to get one? I couldn't ask Mr. Cronin, he was about to punish me and I couldn't ask my teacher because she was mad at me too. It was such bad timing, but I was not going to be denied. Desperate times calls for desperate measures (and I was so obsessively desperate). I was thinking the unthinkable, I was going to steal at least one of these packages here and now and make off like all the super villains that I loathed. Hey, these weren't DC stand ups that were in front of me, they were Marvel ones and Marvel Stand Ups were pieces of heaven in my mind. So, I put one pack under my shirt, but like every villain, I got greedy and then proceeded to stuff at least five more under my shirt. If I thought I was scared before I must have been terrified now as I waited for Mr. Cronin to return.

When my young eyes saw these packages of Marvel Stand Ups I was in shock. As soon as I noticed the Hulk stand up in it, I knew it was all over for me. I had to have it!

When Mr. Cronin did return he seemed to be in a better mood and I just stood there listening to him trying not to move much so he wouldn't notice all the packages under my shirt. I can't really remember our conversation, but I think I made him laugh a little. When he was done, we both got up and as he walked me out of his office...all the packages of the stand ups fell out of my shirt and onto the floor between us. Just like in a movie, and that instantaneously. It was so absolutely horrifying that I wanted to pass out! Mr. Cronin looked at me in total shock! Man, I thought I just escaped the fiery pits of the Apocalypse and now within a few seconds, I was right back in them.

Now the rest of this story may be a let down to some of you, but for the life of me I cannot remember what happened next. Maybe I just blocked it all out because it was so painful, maybe I jumped into a parallel universe and escaped or maybe I did get executed and this is a ghost writing down the memory of it to you. Either way, I don't remember. I do remember however that I never did get the Penguin stand up back and a few years later, I actually found another box filled with about ten of these Marvel Stand Up packages in it at a toy show and laughed while I bought them all (and yes, I did buy them). The great thing is that I still have them today and every time I see those packages in my collection, I can't help but think of how crazy I was to try and steal these things out of the principles office.

THE END?

So what can I say to the young peeps out there in dreamland? Never be a villain no matter how super you think it is because you'll either get caught or somehow you'll mess it up. And to be honest, I still play "Underwater Armageddon" in pools when no ones looking...I'm lying, I play even if they are...

To Be Continued...


I have all these items in my collection but I was too lazy to dig them out and take pics of them so a shout out to www.plaidstallions.com for making my life a little easier.



Other Tales From the Toy Chest:

THE HULK ROLLER SKATES DEBACLE
http://hero-envy.blogspot.com/2011/11/hulk-roller-skates-debacle.html 

 BATMAN COLORFORMS AND MY DAD

http://hero-envy.blogspot.com/2011/11/batman-colorforms-and-my-dad.html

IN SEARCH OF THE HOLY GRAIL OF HULK

http://hero-envy.blogspot.com/2011/06/in-search-of-holy-grail-of-hulk.html

John "The Mego Stretch Hulk" Cimino - "Hero Envy" Central

John Cimino is a Silver and Bronze Age comic, cartoon and memorabilia expert that contributes articles to BACK ISSUE Magazine from TwoMorrows Publishing and has written and starred in the "Hero Envy" webisode series. He is also the host of the Reckless Sidekick "Swass-Cast" and has contributed to the "Hero Envy" comic book. He also thinks he's really Captain Marvel, people just don't have the heart to tell him he's just an obsessed fanboy that borders on the insane. Contact him at johnstretch@live.com and let him know.